The World Through My Eyes
I wish you could see life through my eyes. Today, as I was shopping at a department store, I saw a mom impatient with her daughter and the shopping situation. The daughter was super sweet, and I could tell she was trying to calm her mom down, but it only made the mom more frustrated. As I watched the mom and daughter interact, I wanted so badly to ask the mom to slow down and enjoy her time with her child. I wanted to tell her I would do anything to be shopping for shoes with my daughter on that day. I wanted that mom to look at the world from my eyes, and I was hoping it would change her perspective on that day and teach her what a gift her time with her daughter truly was at that moment.
I have been in that mother's shoes before, so stressed out about life, motherhood, and the endless list of things to do. I wish I could have slowed down enough to enjoy the moments more than I did. I wonder, if a person would have tried to give me advice, would I have even understood the lesson to its true magnitude? Would I have let the person's words sink in and change me?
I was trying to decide if I told the lady to enjoy the time with her daughter, if she would have or if I would have just irritated her more? If I would have said, I wish I could be in your shoes right now, shopping with my daughter, but I can't because my daughter is dead, so please take a big breathe and appreciate what you have right here, right now at this moment. But I didn't say this because I started crying right there in the shoe department. Uncontrollable tears while shopping; this is undoubtedly an experience I have encountered many times since Justice passed. At that moment, I knew if I had even tried to open my mouth, the lady wouldn't have been able to understand my words through my sobs. So I walked out of the store with my head down, fighting back my tears.
I cried because I could have tried to make that lady's day more meaningful. I cried because I wasn't strong enough at that moment to speak from my heart. I cried because Justice's death taught me so much. I cried because I wanted another chance to do everything all over again, but with my new perspective. I cried because I missed Justice.
I wish I could have been a calmer person when raising my children. I wish I wouldn't have made work and a clean house a priority. I wish I appreciated the little things to the level I do now. Although I can't spend my life looking back, I need to look forward to how I will embrace this gift of the true meaning of life at a level I would have never been able to feel until Justice died. Justice death gave me this gift, and I will forever embrace it.
So I hope the mom at the Dillard's store in Billings, Montana, and all moms out there read my blog and learn from the life lessons taught to me. I hope people can learn to deal with the stress in their lives differently and find joy in all the moments given to us.
Please go to lovelikejustice.com to follow more of the Love Like Justice story. Buy Love Like Justice merchandise and wear it proudly; all proceeds go toward the Justice Foundation to light up the Historic Bell Street Bridge in Glendive, Montana, in memory of Justice Hagen.
You can also donate directly to Justice's Foundation on the Love Like Justice website.